Today's post will be short. I just wanted to open up about something I believe the Lord taught me in the middle of a pity party yesterday. Yes indeed, I was swimming in the river of self-pity and just allowing the current to carry me along as if I had no control. Why ? Well, you know how life happens right ? Unexpected expenses show up and you are not sure how they will be dealt with even after you have planned and planned and budgeted and pinched pennies and not bought yourself clothes in months ? I came home a little earlier than usual. I curled up in bed and wanted to cry. I started to think I was a failure. I started saying, "Oh Lord, forgive me. I am such a failure." Has anyone else had I day like this or it's just me who is going off the cliff ?
To tell the truth, I was worried, irritated and fearful and all other kinds of bad emotions I don't have words for and it was not fun. So anyway, a few hours later I had to get up and go pick up our car from the mechanic's. As I drove back, I felt God begin to speak to my heart. Here is what I learned :
- The reason I was fretting so much was because my eyes were fixed on the issues at hand. Who was bigger ? The Lord God Almighty who created the universe, parted the Red Sea and fed the Israelites with manna in the wilderness or the "big issue" I was creating in my mind ?
- Our problems always look bad when we focus on "me me me". If I take a look around me, it does not take a genius to realize how mightily blessed I am considering there are millions who live on this same planet who have no access to healthy food, clean water or even a basic necessity like clothes. I am healthy. I am not on any medications. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have clothes on my back. This was just a bump in the road compared to all my blessings.
- Later on in the evening God reminded me of something powerful : He does not create failures and I needed to stop condemning myself.
How's that many lessons for one day ? Well, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for allowing myself to get caught in self-pity and self-condemnation in the first place. I believe that He will sort out the other issues that have currently cropped up and so I can relax. And who wouldn't, especially if your Daddy was the King of the Universe ?
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