"She's better than me"- How to deal with jealousy

About two years ago, I went to a friend's wedding. 

The wedding was beautiful, classy and fun all-rolled up in one neat package. 

There was only one problem. I'm sad to admit but I was jealous of this friend's beautiful wedding ! It had all the things my wedding didn't have and I just did not know how to deal with that. I was completely shocked at myself and chided myself for being so shallow and materialistic.

I tried my best to be happy all throughout the wedding but, my dear friend, it was not easy for me ! Not only was I jealous of my friend's wedding, I began to realize I was actually jealous of her life. How could I allow my born-again , Spirit-filled Christian self to get so wrapped up in the flesh ? What could I do to get over it ? 

I'll tell you what I did in a second but before I do, can we just be honest with each other ? All of us, have a tendency to compare ourselves with someone else. And if you've lived any longer than 30 seconds you know that as women, it is very, very easy to begin to live in envy and jealousy of what "that other girl" has. 

It could be anything : better hair, a better marriage, better behaved kids,  more money, gorgeous eyes, more friendly, has a lot of friends, life seems easier or even a better blog. Oh yes, this jealousy thing can extend to just about anything. So what do we do about it ? Do we just say "Okay, you are a Christian and you shouldn't be jealous" and put a can on it ? How do you fight the feeling of "That girl is better than me"?

How I dealt with jealousy - My Therapy Session with God

I PRAYED.

Yes, I got home from the wedding and continued to be tortured both by the fact that I was jealous and that I had allowed myself to get jealous. Since I couldn't really talk to anyone about it, I went on my knees and talked to my Father about it. I was bare and honest and told Him, I was jealous and that I did not feel as blessed as this girl looked (AHA, a revelation right there ! Not all that glitters is gold and what you might be jealous of may be gold-coated brass instead of real gold!).

Anyway, I bared my heart out to God and lay it on Him. I confessed my sin. I asked the Lord to help me to be content. And then I also prayed that God would bless me in every aspect of my life especially in the areas where I was lacking and where I felt short. I did this for almost 2 hours. 

What a powerful therapy session that was !

Changing My Focus 

I can boldly say that ever since that day, my tendency to get jealous has significantly reduced. I believe it is because I prayed but I also believe that since that day, I have learned to change my focus. When I focus on the things I don't have and ignore the things God has blessed me with, I open myself to envy and jealousy. As I've began to focus on how mightily blessed I am, I almost have no time to look at and compare myself with people who have what I lack ! 

You reflect what you focus on.

Notice that I said the "tendency" has reduced. I used that word because as long as you and I live, we will look at someone who has something we don't have and wonder why we don't have that too. But when the focus is on the Lord and His abundant blessings, you simply won't have time to be jealous. 

Another Thing

There is another powerful lesson I have learned since that time. Instead of getting jealous and being sour-faced, I ask and learn what has made a person successful in a particular way and with the help of God, I try to replicate that success. No more "Waa, poor me, if only I had a great husband like her". No. I find out how I can be a better wife to the husband I already have. Instead of wondering how "she has money to afford that", I learn how I can save money and make money on the side freelancing my skills (without becoming a money-driven workaholic, of course) Guess what ? I am too busy working to improve my freelancing skills and I'm making that much-needed extra money to take care of those bills ! And with that busyness comes no time to be jealous of anyone else.

Pray. 

Focus your eyes on what you've been blessed with. 

Be willing to learn to improve what you already have. 

These are the lessons my Father has taught me since that day I got jealous at my friend's wedding. 

Question For You

Have you dealt with envy and jealousy ? I would love to hear about how to overcame in the comments below !

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You are loved relentlessly by a powerful Savior !

Gertrude.

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