Today's post is going to sound a bit harsh but I needed it in my own life at some point and I realize that for many living as what I will call "a victim of circumstance" is all the life they know how to live. But God intended for each one of us to live a life that is MUCH higher than that.
When I was in High School, I did not have a lot of friends and neither did I make a lot because I lived in this self-inflicted lonely bubble that had : "Nobody likes me. I am not pretty or popular like the other girls. Poor, poor me. No-one likes me because I do not come from a city" written all over it.
Yes, I was shy and more of an introvert than many others but I also consciously or unconsciously drove people away from me with that manipulative "My world is worse than everyone else's and so you should feel sorry for me" attitude. Even when I met my husband, I always looked at him through the lenses of relationships that had not worked out previously wondering when he was going to hurt me so I could say "Aha, I said it !"
Yes, I was shy and more of an introvert than many others but I also consciously or unconsciously drove people away from me with that manipulative "My world is worse than everyone else's and so you should feel sorry for me" attitude. Even when I met my husband, I always looked at him through the lenses of relationships that had not worked out previously wondering when he was going to hurt me so I could say "Aha, I said it !"
If you live this way, I am here today to tell you PLEASE STOP IT ! QUIT ALREADY ! Manipulating everyone around you to feel sorry for you because of what may or may not have happened in your life will eventually drive everyone including your children and your spouse away from you. Always living a life where you are telling everyone things simply so that those people will feel sorry for you is no way to live ! Yes, I agree that traumatic experiences are real and that you should be given time to grieve and heal. But when that traumatic life experience becomes the pivot around which your life hinges, especially as a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, you will never live the joy-filled life a Christian is supposed to live.
But the fruit of the Spirit is ...joy...(Galatians 5:22)
One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is joy. The Holy Spirit is our Helper and each one of us SHOULD be walking in step with the Holy Spirit if we are really to look to be upright in the sight of God (Galatains 5:25). Thus, the normal attitude of a Christian should be that of joy. Please note what I am saying before you go rushing off calling me insensitive. Difficult and sad things WILL happen in this life. It's inevitable. We're allowed to grieve and cry. Jesus cried (John 11:35). So we are all allowed to cry.
BUT WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO STAY THERE PERMANENTLY.
Maybe this is the only way you know how to live. You probably think that the moment you drop the "victim" status and begin to live in the true victory that Jesus bought for us at the cross, people will stop giving you the attention you have received all these years. Please know this : manipulating others into feeling sorry and giving you attention is highly dysfunctional and will fall apart at some point. Like I said earlier, it will eventually drive everyone away from you. You don't want that. (And besides, you do not need the attention of people per se to be truly happy in life).
Please, take this from a sister who loves you fiercely : choose today to live a joy-filled life in spite of what you go through. Don't allow life to turn you into a bitter, complaining and manipulative person. When tough things happen, go on your knees as a first resort and talk to the Lord about what you are going through and the fact that you need His strength to carry through.
Let people enjoy being around you simply because you exude a joy, peace and confidence that only God gives in spite of life's storms.
I end with this verse from Philippians 4:4 today : Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, rejoice.
5 comments:
AS a fellow introvert and high school wallflower, I totally agree. I think we also have a responsibility to help our younger sisters in Christ be strong in their identity in HIM. Because I was never comfortable with me until I learned to truly surrender myself to Him. Great post!
I understand and for many of us it took maturity and a LOT of God's word and positive preaching and teaching to break the victim mentality. This is an awesome post!
Wow, this is really good. It's so easy to have a pity party, but isn't it something that no one else shows up? Not even God wants to be a part of someone's pity party.
Lots of bad things happen to people - even good people. But then again, lots of bad things happen to everybody. I'm just sooo thankful that I have The Lord to help me deal with it!
Excellent post, Gertrude! I especially appreciate that you said it's ok to cry, but we don't want to wallow in our tears.
Thank you, Gertrude! I totally agree. It is so easy to fall into that victim mentality and drive everyone away because you are so focused on "poor, poor pitiful me." I have been there and done that, but as followers of Christ, we are called to be more and called to live victorious above our circumstances.
God Bless You,
Misty@TheBarnPrincess
Oh yes, you are my neighbor at TGIF blog party. Pity Parties are not good. Blog parties are excellent.
Post a Comment